Interim Attorney-General Aiyaz Sayed-Khaiyum has accused the legal profession of being corrupt and spreading hate speech. He said this as prominent Fiji lawyer Graham Leung has been banned from leaving Fiji for alleged misrepresentation of the Interim Government abroad.
Mr Sayed-Khaiyum was seen throwing a 'hissy fit' in his office at Government House earlier this week over efforts by lawyers to stop unconstitutional and illegal appointments. He commented later by saying "these fake lawyers are thwarting my attempts at greatness. My sex life has been reduced to dust because of these people who have less legal knowledge than me". Mr Sayed-Khaiyum was further queried over whether he had a sex life before December 5. He immediately released a press statement saying this issue was before the courts and could no comment on it.
Fiji Nub News submitted several allegations to the Interim Attorney-General on the subject of the legality and constitutional basis of the events of December 5 onwards. All attempts ended in an epic fail with the automated response "The issue is before the courts and cannot be discussed at this stage". Insiders can reveal that Mr Sayed-Khaiyum has trained a taxpayer funded parrot to answer his phone and to repeat the message. The parrot which has been fondly nicknamed 'Voreqe' reportedly cost the taxpayer in excess of $1 million. On the streets of Suva, the general consensus is of utter bewilderment. One woman wondered whether the parrot is necessary given the current budget constraints. A biology student noted that parrots are a pest in some countries and whether the parrot has replaced another pest in the form of the Interim Attorney-General.
Fiji Nub News finally caught Mr Sayed-Khaiyum at Niranjans Motors while checking out a brand new Mazda6 with a government cheque in hand. He responded by saying "along with Tupou, your news organisation and those biology students will be charged with contempt. After I purchase my new car, I'm going to file papers because of these comments which I will not take lightly".
As this news article is being published, the Anti-Corruption Unit has raided the Biology faculty at the University of the South Pacific. Land Force Commander Colonel Pita Driti's Bart Simpson haircut has been seen around the campus rounding up Biology students doing weekend lab work.
1 comment:
I-arse had/has a sex-life - what a liberty!!! How dare you!. He just always kept it in the broom cupboard to maintain a level of decorum befitting his blubber status. He cannot divulge the secret for fear of divulging his bum-chum that bears the same surname as one he so despises. Never mind bubba - Shaista will always be keen to be your fag-hag and keep it all looking good
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