Ganilau for FIRCA

Interim Prime Minister Voreqe Bainimarama today announced that Ratu Epeli Ganilau has been appointed as Chief Executive Officer of the Fiji Islands Revenue and Customs Authority. Chairman of the Public Service Commission Rishi Ram also confirmed the appointment. Mr Ram said "It is an honour to have such an excellent individual leading FIRCA. He will lead Fiji into a new era in tax collection and customs management".

Claims of nepotism and high level corruption have been levelled at the former Commander of the Republic of Fiji Military Forces. Interim Prime Minister Bainimarama scoffed the allegations saying "Who said that? I need to get Mara and the 3FIR on to this. I think the SDL are up to no good".

Mr Ram also dismissed the claims saying "Ratu Ganilau can handle his Fijian Affairs portfolio and this. We have got rid of the corruption associated with that guy Banuve. He has more SDL links than the vehicles bought by Mahen off Nivis."

In an exclusive interview with Fiji Nub News, the minimisation and streamling of procedures is behind the appointment. The newly appointed CEO mentioned that FIRCA and the NLTB are to be merged into one organisation. Ganilau said "Finally we can collect all revenues into one central organisation. It is now required by law to pay all taxes and leases in $50 bills".

The new requirement to pay all taxes in $50 bills has astounded many Fijians with many of the population suspecting corruption. But Ganilau remains unmoved. He said "Soon I can pay for all my activities. You know ones that the taxpayer needs to move Fiji forward". Fiji Nub News enquired about these required activities. Ganilau revealed "They are for my restaurant, transport, overseas travel, bake sale, church and brothel activities. As well as paying Ponipate Lesavua and Apakuki Kurusiga off to crucify those damn Taukei's". He also mentioned his hereditary right to everything that the NLTB and all other Fijian institutions took off him.

Fiji Nub News presented these allegations to the Interim Prime Minister. Bainimarama replied in a written press statement by saying "Ganilau has ushered a new age of transparency in FIRCA by announcing these changes. He is being upfront and honest about tax collection and the manner in which it will be spent". He concluded by saying the previous FIRCA CEO didn't even reveal what he would spend the money on despite not actually spending it.

The "$50 tax" decree is currently being finalised for promulgation by the President later this week.

Editorial: Absences and Intimidation

***As I write this Colonel's Pita Driti and Tevita Mara are holding 9mm handguns at my head***

The editor of this incredibly useless news service has returned after an extended stay at numerous RFMF barracks and Fiji Police prisons. I would like to say that I was treated very well by the RFMF and Teleni's 'boys and girls'. They fed me well, let my missus visit for conjugal purposes and extended the courtesy of human rights. I don't why I've been writing such guff against the Interim Government. They really are nice guys.

***This editorial has continued outside of my recent holiday and I believe the Military Council...I mean Interim Government is not snooping around***

Anyway back to business.

Since I have returned after my wretched couple of weeks in custody, I have learned of quite a bit of upheaval in Fiji. Strikes, counter strikes, counter counter strikes and the rest. When will it end? I suppose when the Interim Prime Minister gets his final paycheck which is apparently quite healthy looking.

I pay particular attention to the strikes by the nurses. The esteemed nurses of Fiji are responsible for looking after the sick and infirm. They have a tough job as it is and have specialist skills which cannot be replicated.

This leads me to believe this is all part of the 'militarisation' of Fiji. But what would make these soldiers most likely from the 3FIR don tiny little white nurses dresses and perform open heart surgery using M16's and bayonets. A secret desire to cross dress? I believe so. It has been well known of the desire by the military big wigs such as Bainimarama, Driti, Leweni (in particular) and Mara to wear white dresses and the hats with the little red cross.

But on to more important matters. What can Fiji do to get back to normality? Using the nurses as an example, a compromise can be reached. Fiji Nub News is also acting as a quasi negotiator in these troubling times. We have come up with a even compromise that I believe is fair.

Our view is that the nurses should not get their pay back. However in return for the permanent deduction of pay, the nurses are allowed to administer free colonoscopy's to members of the Interim Government for as long as they are in power. Oh and the kicker which we believe evens up the situation is no sedation and the nurses have compulsory power to request a colonoscopy off members of the Interim Government whenever necessary.

Fair. We think so.