FICAC term disputed

The long standing Fiji Idiot Commission Amongst Crap (FICAC) is currently involved in a dispute with the Anti-Corruption unit due to a similar acronym. Their headquarters in Lautoka was raided yesterday by officers of the anti-corruption unit citing their use of the much vaunted acronym as a crime. The "Noone can mock FICAC decree" was reportedly promulgated just 30 minutes before the raid by President Ratu Josefa Iloilo.

Interim Minister for Anti-Corruption Aiyaz Sayed-Khaiyum has described the 30 year old independent commission as a thorn in the side of the Interim Government. He said "This commission is totally corrupt as their acronym is FICAC. Voreqe is always right, so how can these people hold these titles without formal authorisation from the Interim Government."

The head of the Idiot Commission, Professor I. Lyk Seks has hit back at the claims saying that his organisation has been upholding truth and justice against crap. Professor Seks said "We are firmly committed to our cause and will literally clean the crap up. Speaking of which, there seems to be quite a bit of it hanging around Government House."

Fiji Nub News has revealed the Idiot Commission has found damning evidence against the Interim Government using its tight knit group of spies and moles.

The spies have revealed that a 100 foot monument is to erected in Sukuna Park. It is a monument of the Interim Prime Minister in a Zeus like pose looking rather godly. The plaque for the statue is reported to say "RFMF is god". When presented with these allegations, Interim Prime Minister Voreqe Bainimarama scoffed at the allegations. He said "How can the plaque say the RFMF is god? I thought I was god." The worlds finest artisans have been contracted by the Interim Government to produce the statue out of solidified sugar which has been used instead of gold. This has been due to budget constraints and the Vatukoula mine having fuck all gold.

The second part of the revelations has been as a result of the moles which have been burrowing deep underneath Fiji finding juicy and tender pieces of information. The Idiot Commission has learned through numerous tunnelling expeditions that the current head of the Police crime division Nasir Ali has buried evidence pertaining to his allegations of corruption. There are documents which allege that Mr Ali used Police Credit Union funds for personal use. This includes the services of a young woman called "Sapphire", weight loss solutions and moustache grooming products. Mr Ali was confronted earlier on today with these allegations. This reporter was chased out of Police headquarters with the police's new crime fighting weapon. A Husqvarna 3120XP chainsaw meant for cleaning up overgrown trees due to Qarase's incompetent environmental policy amongst other things.